Bali Ho

I have always dreamed about going to Bali. Something about the remoteness of it made me want to go.  I had seen pictures of the dancers and the temples and the beaches and I knew I had to see it for myself. Bali is one of the islands states of Indonesia. Indonesia is located near Malaysia and Never-Neverland. It is far. Farther than you can imagine. It takes somewhere between 3weeks and 3 months to get there...really.
I had always wanted to go to Bali but the sheer distance of this place from the US was a big deterrent. When I checked on flights when we lived in the US getting there took over 30 hours with almost 4 flights and layovers. I wanted to go but not that bad.

Now that we live in New Zealand, we thought it would be closer and easy to get to. Right? Usually I do my research on flights but I just assumed that a flight from New Zealand to Bali would be short. Maybe like 5-6 hours. I didn't pay any attention to the arrival time on our tickets, I just assumed that the time difference was because of the difference in location.
I got on the plane, excited and ready for my short jaunt. The flight attendant came over the intercom and after the usual information, informed us on the plan for our 10 hour flight...10 HOURS? WHAT? How is that possible!? We are in New Zealand ? Shouldn't we be closer than 10 hours away?
After the unexpected 10 hour flight, followed by a 2 hour layover and another 2 hour flight, we disembarked, a little exhausted into the most stifling humidity and the hustle and bustle of Bali.

I just traveled 10+ hours to see this?!

Arriving in Bali

Bali is the home of about 3 million people. It is a big expat haven with people from the UK, USA and Australia that have called Bali home for years. The more popular areas are Sanur, Nusa Dua and the surfer's paradise of Kuta. Unlike the rest of Indonesia, most of the Balinese are actually Hindu and not muslim. The countryside is full of amazing Hindu temples and shrines and every house has a small Hindu temple built inside. Everywhere you see women preparing offerings of rice and flowers for temples and elaborate parades and ceremonies held in the most random of places.

Pray where the mood hits you...

Bruce and Rudi, wearing temple appropriate outfits

At the temple in the Monkey Forest

Another temple, another sarong

huh? I'm not sure to think of rule number 1& 2

We were lucky and met up with a local Balinese guide, Rudi. Rudi gave us a view of Bali that could only be done with a local. He took us to some of the most important Hindu temples in the country, drove us around the countryside, showed us the highest peak in Bali and most importantly, took us to get Babi Guling.

Mt. Batung, the highest peak in Bali

Rice terraces in the countryside

Wisnu, an important Hindu god

Hanging out with Rudi and his family for dinner in Jimbaran

Now, babi guling is only the best thing in the world. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a foodie. I love food. I love good food. And even more, I love decadent, bad food. I knew about babi guling before I got to Bali. I was introduced to the babi guling by one of my favorite chef/travel guru on the Food Network, Anthony Boudain. He traveled to Bali in an old episode and ended up in the Balinese countryside at a traditional 'warung' or cafe. The Balinese take a suckling pig and cook it on a spit for hours until the meat falls off of the bone...(are you with me?...mmmmm) then, while it is being cooked on the spit, it is basted with coconut water. When the water cooks off, it leaves behind sugar on the pig skin. The pig skin becomes crispy with a coating of coconut and the meat is so tender it falls apart....OMG!

Crispy Pork!!! Yeah!!!

My kind of restaurant...Pig fountains and all...

I think I actually ran into the restaurant. I'm sure our friend was tired of me imagining what the crispy pork skin and tender meat was going to taste like. The entire morning before lunch I couldn't focus. We would be at a temple, Rudi explaining to us the importance of offerings in the Hindu religion and I would say: "Do you think they can do a to go plate of pig?" After four long hours of visiting temples and rice paddies it was time to get my pig!!!! I had to dig in like the locals, hands and all. At the end, I was very full, very happy and quite greasy. It was worth it!!!

Well fed!

More food porn...BBQ fish

Catch it and eat it!!! Now that is fresh!

The Balinese are very artistic people. They are well known for beautiful wood carvings, furniture, bakik cloth and dancing. The costumes and dance are so intricate. Every part of the dance tells a part of the story. Most of the dances have multiple parts or scenes and may not have any speaking at all. Balinese start learning the tradtional dances as children and are experts in dance by the time they are 18. Every eye movement, every hand gesture and every body movement tells a part of the story. We saw the barong dance which is a traditional dance which tells the story of the battle between good and evil and a traditional legong dance performed by local children from the village.

Barong dance

Balinese dancer

Little girls performing a traditional welcome dance

Litlle village boys perfoming a dance

Another reason to go to Bali is for the diving. Bruce and I are avid scuba divers. Bali is known as one of the best scuba diving locations in the world and now I know why. There were tons of fish and beautiful corals on each and every dive we went on. One of the best dives we have ever done was on a small island southeast of Bali called Nusa Lembogan. I have never seen so many colored fish and diverse corals as we did on that one dive. We went diving twice a day almost every day we were in Bali at locations all over the island. North Bali has the best diving which was remote and far away from the hustle and bustle of the city. We were able to dive the USS Liberty wreck, a huge 200 foot long American supply ship that was hit by a Japanese torpedo during WWII. The wreck is supposed to one of the easiest wreck dives in the world because it is in pretty shallow water (less than 100 feet). It was cool to see a ship that big just resting on the ocean floor. It had been totally covered by corals and all kinds of fish had made it their home.

The water was amazing

One of the many volcanos of Java

Bruce and the dive masters in Pemuteran

Sounds perfect but there was a dark side to Bali....the monkeys.

Don't let the cute face fool you...he just tried to climb me...

I am terrified of spiders and large bugs. I am going to officially add monkeys to that list. It freaks me out how smart and strong they are. We somehow decided to go to Ubud to visit the famous Monkey Forest and Temple. I thought it would be fun. Until I saw that this isn't like the zoo...there are no bars keeping the little furry crazies off of you. Walking into the forest, we saw monkeys everywhere. Climbing in trees, sitting on the sidewalk, swinging in branches beside you. It would have been fun except for the fact that they would sometimes think that something you had looks interesting. Every so often you would hear "Hey! Gimme back my camera". It wasn't a robbery, it was a monkey, swiping someone's camera or purse. They would take anything, by force from anyone. We saw a hippie couple with dreadlocks walking down the sidewalk. All of sudden, a monkey jumps onto her head and starts picking in her dreadlocks. What made it funny was the fact that he was finding something to eat in her hair!!! Ewww....

You can't see it but the sign says "BEWARE"

They look so innocent

What are you looking at?

Monkey Fight!

I was a little scared but nothing prepared me for the terror of Ulu Watu.

On a cliff near Ulu Watu, waiting for sunset

The meanest monkeys around

Ulu Watu is a beautiful temple on the cliffs of southern Bali. It is said to have one of the prettiest locations for sunset. It is also home to a troupe of horriffically bold and mean little babboons. I should have said no when I heard the words "temple, sundown and monkeys". Wait, you want me to walk through a temple, near a cliff, with crazed monkeys running around? Hmm.
Rudi, our Balinese friend assured me that it would be ok. Hmmm.
First, I see people entering the temple with large sticks and bats. What the hell? Do I need a stick? Poor Rudi is telling us about the history of Ulu Watu and I keep interrupting him to ask him about my stick.
After me harassing him, he finally gets a stick. I want a stick too. He assures me that I don't need a stick. Bruce gives me that look. The "Stop-asking-for-a-damn-stick" look. Ok, fine. I can just punch a monkey.
We made it thru the temple and past the hoodlum monkeys to the cliff and sat and waited for the sun to go down. I have to admit, it was one of the most romantic and beautiful sunsets we have seen.

My National Geographic shot

I was happy and we started the walk back to the temple and then we started to hear the shreiks. The monkeys decided when the sun goes down that's the best time to attack tourists. They were literally snatching purses, sunglasses and cameras off of unsuspecting tourists. I started to freak. Bruce tries to reassure me. "Don't worry, they won't touch you, you don't have anything they want. I'm not worried about these little monkeys"
We started to walk off, down the narrow path. Now, keep in mind, there is forest on the left and a sheer drop off into the ocean on the right. And monkeys everywhere. Bruce, who was "Mr-don't-worry-about-the-silly-monkeys" stopped dead in his tracks. "There are monkeys everywhere" he hisses.
Rudi tells us "Just go slow, don't run. Don't be scared"
WHAT? I am walking a path where a crazed, smart primate may or may not decide to jump on me and assault me and you want me NOT to be scared?!
I started breathing...hard. I was terrified. They were all over the place. In some spots we had to squeeze around them and hug trees cause the wouldn't get out of the way. I kept breathing, harder and faster until I started to feel dizzy. I was remember thinking "I think i'm going to pass out"....
We actually made it through the monkey mine field thanks to a group of Australian women who had decided against listening to common sense and who wore every piece of jewlery and bauble they could find. We were able to make a run for it while they got everything they had ripped off of them. Before you judge, we did not leave them with no help...we told the temple guards on our way out that they may need help...and they should maybe take rabies vaccines and bring sticks..and tazers.

Theh last little part I must tell you about. The Balinese are a very "daredevil" type people. I have never seen such terror as I have with driving in Bali. The streets are crammed full with mopeds, sometimes crammed sky high with people. I have literally seen a family of five on a motorbike...on the highway! It seems unimaginable for us, but they don't have that may fatalities.

Who needs a SUV? This is more gas efficient!

After the terror of the monkey thugs and the nail biting drives though the narrow streets of Bali I was in the mood to go into relax mode. Our last day, we spent lounging by the beach. It would have been perfect and then I saw it...A big lady, with a terribly small bathing suit on with a not so small body. That's not an issue. I'm no swimsuit model but DAMN!. I dress appropriately. You have a pooch, cover it up! You have extra back fat? Cover it up! Don't overexpose! This lady was prancing around and taking pictures with her significantly younger and hotter friends like she was the cover model for Victoria's Secret. It was hilarious. It was so bad that I had to covertly take picutures. Even worse, other people were giggling and taking pictures. Even worse, she started to notice and thought that the attention was genuine and started to pose MORE!!! OMG! Just for you, I had to enclose some of the ridiculous pics from the beach.

Ok...really....really? I don't know what to say...

ok...when is it EVER ok to stand like this in a bikini?!

Oh, and please remember this important rule.
Spandex is a privlidge, not a right.

That poor speedo

Wow. Not only is it tight, its bright!

If you'd like to see more pics from lovely Bali, click here